


until the flowers bloom again

by lavalamp



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Japan, Light Angst, Long-Distance Friendship, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sakura (Cherry Blossoms)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:41:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27326728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavalamp/pseuds/lavalamp
Summary: "past the end of the cold winteruntil the spring comes againuntil the flowers bloom againstay there a little longerstay there"
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong, Mark Lee & Nakamoto Yuta, Mark Lee/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	until the flowers bloom again

it is a freezing winter night, when yuta is walking back to his dorm after picking up dinner. gentle snowflakes fall from the sky, the specks littered throughout his hair and coat. the streetlamps provide a gentle albeit fleeting warmth and illuminate the snowflakes to give the illusion of glitter in the air. a pleasant cadence of crunchy noises fill the air as yuta steps on the frosted, icy grass and the occasional dry leaf. 

the empty park and the deafening silence are far from eerie. yuta thinks it's the kind of night you'd spend wrapped in the embrace of your loved ones, the hearth burning bright as it casts it's glow over the entire room. watching an old festive movie, losing track of the plot halfway in favour of deep conversations, being lulled to sleep by the faint chatter of the now forgotten tv. 

he feels a momentary sense of comfort before it is inevitably tinged with bittersweet echoes of the past, of times when yuta too, had someone to fall asleep next to him on nights like these. before he knows it, the dam breaks and all the memories come flooding by. bit by bit, yuta feels the desolation claw it's way into his heart, feels the heartache seep into his soul.

no longer did the snow glitter, no longer did the streetlamps glow. the silence was far from comforting now, he felt like it was mocking him. yuta, all alone once again, with only dead trees for company. the barren boughs stirred within him a sense of longing, of yearning, for they reminded him of the void inside him. he watched as a solitary leaf fluttered by, chased away by the harsh wind, vanishing into the horizon. 

as he walked through the empty park, he couldn't help but wonder if things could have ended differently. if his sweater would have graced someone elses shoulders instead of hanging over his stature. if he would have had another pair of hands warming his. if he would have two servings of tteokbokki in his backpack instead of one. if he would be loved, instead of lonesome.

his train of thought was brought to a sharp halt by a familiar sound. ah, his ringtone. as he sees the name that illuminates his screen, he sighs.

"hello johnny. what do you want?" 

"ah yuta, straight to business as always. can't i ask how you're doing first?" asks johnny.

yuta lets out a slight chuckle. perhaps to conceal the emptiness he feels. "can you guess? it's been exactly four months today. four months since i last saw him." he can sense johnny tense up on the other side.

"oh." johnny's voice is soft. "are you sure you don't want to call him? it really doesn't have to be this way, yuta. talk to him. work it out," johnny persuades.

yuta's voice is bitter and laced with hurt when he responds. "i'm not doing that. he has a phone too, and he hasn't called yet. if he calls me i will pick up, but don't expect me to be the one to reach out first. i'm not that desperate." 

there is a long pause from the other end. "yet you are the one who has been keeping track of how long it's been."

yuta is clearly displeased. "listen-" he raises his voice, but is cut off by perhaps the words he least expected to hear.

"you're in love with him," johnny realises. "oh my god, you're in love with him, you should tell hi-" yuta hangs up before johnny can finish. no. there's no way he's in love with that boy. no way, he says to himself, he's in love with mark lee.

back in his dorm, yuta crashes into his bed with a heavy sigh. he stares up mindlessly at his ceiling. it is a pretty shade of pastel blue. just like the cardigan mark wore when they went to watch "love, simon" together. his eyes then drift to the window where he looks out at the moon. waning crescent, he remembers from the trip with mark to the planetarium. he glances at the candy wrappers thrown hastily near the dustbin. watermelon gummies. he'd buy them for mark, but then slowly started liking it himself. his gaze then wanders to the red and white mug with a maple leaf on his shelf, the bright colours a stark contrast to the rest of his room. "i love canada," the mug says. a souvenir from mark when he went to see his parents. "we'll go to canada together!" he'd say. mark did end up going to canada, but left yuta behind. "yeah," yuta thinks to himself, "there's no way i'm in love with mark lee."

he curls into himself and grabs his blanket, dinner forgotten, but sleep is hard to come by. the frigid air from the open window laps at his toes and the bitter frost reminds him that he had, yet again, forgotten to turn on his heater. 

but he doesn't fret, for what use is heat to someone who feels so cold on the inside? what comfort is warmth to him, without someone to share it with? as he tosses and turns through the darkness, shivering either due to the cold or because of the soft sobs he's broken into, he hugs his blanket a little tighter either for the warmth or to feel what it's like to be held again, and prays for this forlorn night to pass.

after what seems like ages, he's whisked away into the realm of dreams, where he breathes a bit easier, unaware of what the next day holds for him.

when he wakes up, it is to an enthusiastic haechan shaking him awake. "wake up! wake up! you won't believe this! i have good news!" he beams, and yuta is already pissed off at how loud he is first thing in the morning. he regrets giving haechan a spare key to his dorm. 

groggily he responds, "it better be something good, like you're paying for lunch today." still half asleep, he attempts to shove the younger off his bed, but to no avail. "oh it's even better. doyoung hyung is planning to propose to taeyong hyung!" haechan screams. yuta is suddenly wide awake.

"what the fuck?" yuta yells in disbelief. "out of nowhere? when did this happen? this better not be a joke, i swear to god-"

haechan interrupts, "no i promise, get dressed and meet us at the usual spot in 20 minutes, i'll go and inform taeil hyung next door. don't be late!" yuta sighs and flops back down onto the mattress after haechan leaves. he is ecstatic, the couple have officially been in love for a year now (well, six if you count all the years they spent nagging and fighting without realising it was actually love) and it's finally time they're taking the next step. he gets dressed in an elegant pastel blue shirt *cough* colour choice unintentional *cough* and heads out to their "spot", a small noodle joint tucked away in the bustling streets of seoul. 

as soon as he enters, he's greeted by the smiling face of the noona who runs the joint, and he politely bows to greet her. "hello," he says, "it's been a while." the lady smiles even brighter, and says "oh i've missed you boys! for a moment i thought you got so busy with your lives that you forgot all about me! i'm glad to see you're back though, take a seat and i'll bring over the usual." yuta reciprocates her smile and walks over to their usual seats, a long table at the back, populated by a few young men. as they hear him approach, they turn their heads and smile.

"hey yuta hyung! it's been so long since i last saw you! c'mere and give me a hug!" says a boy with blonde hair and puppy eyes. yuta laughs, a genuine hearty laugh, and hugs him. "it's only been a week since we last met, jungwoo." jungwoo lets go, and playfully adds, "but a week is too long, i missed you everyday." yuta just smiles, and turns his attention to winwin and doyoung. "hey guys, how have you been?" he asks. 

"pretty good" "pretty bad" they answer in chorus. perplexed at doyoung's answer, he futher questions, "everything alright? shouldn't you be happy? which reminds me, congratulations! i always thought it'd be taeyong who'd propose first but well, life is surprising." yuta laughs. however, doyoung doesn't find it funny. "don't laugh at my plight! the anxiety is eating away at me! what if he says no? what if he says he doesn't love me? what if he says he's not serious enough about us to consider marriage?" oh no, this is a mistak-"

"we talked about this doyoung, remember? we're all here to help make sure it goes perfectly, and don't worry, he's going to say yes." yuta feels a bit awkward seeing johnny there, considering the events that conspired during his call the previous night. a part of him wants to apologise for hanging up so abruptly, but he also wants to chew his head off for suggesting he was in love with mark. yeah, he totally wasn't. his eyes definitely didn't search the room for him when he first entered, nor did his heart drop a bit at noticing his absence. in love with mark, johnny says? pffft. no way. 

"hey johnny," yuta manages to croak out half heartedly. he hates being awkward with his best friends. "hey yuta, come take a seat!" urges johnny, patting at a vacant spot beside him. yuta grudgingly takes a seat, and feels an arm wrap around his shoulder. regardless of whether they were fighting or not, johnny always managed to soothe yuta and this time was no exception. "so doyoung, what's the plan? and where's taeyong?" yuta enquires.

"jaehyun has taken taeyong out on the pretext of shopping so we can discuss this freely. i want it to be a surprise, so i'm trying to be as discreet as possible. haechan and taeil hyung will be arriving soon. once they're here i'll start explaining the details," he answers. as if on cue, haechan and taeil enter the restaurant. yuta greets taeil with just a simple nod since they meet almost regularly, living in adjacent apartments.

once they're all seated and pleasantries exchanged, doyoung clears his throat and begins. "so. as you all know, taeyong and i have been dating for a year now." haechan giggles, and responds sarcastically, "wow really? i didn't realise. you guys are a couple?" the look doyoung gives him is enough for haechan to be quiet and listen. "one more joke and i will ask johnny hyung to escort you outside the premises and make you pay for all the food" says doyoung. haechan rolls his eyes, knowing fully well that his doyoung hyung would never do that, but decides to restrain the chaos for today and be attentive.

"as i was saying," doyoung continues, "i've been with taeyong for a long time. long enough to know that he wouldn't survive a day with anyone who isn't me. mostly because i wouldn't let him, but that's not the point. he means the world to me, and i want to spend the rest of my life trying to remind him of that. i want to take him to japan during the spring, and propose under the cherry blossoms surrounded by our families and you guys. i already have chosen the rings. i need your help to plan this out to the tiniest detail. what do you think?"

there's a brief silence. for a moment doyoung thinks he fucked up. before he can panic, yuta answers. "i think," he says, "taeyong would be very lucky to have you as his husband. you should do it." there are noises of agreement and appreciation all around. it's set. doyoung is marrying taeyong. winwin is hugging doyoung, taeil is clapping and cheering, haechan is pretending to wipe away his tears when the noona arrives with a bowl of jjajangmyeon each, along with a platter of freshly cut watermelon.

yuta's heart sinks. "oh, isn't the boy who likes watermelon with you today? i brought some especially for him!" she says. "thank you so much! he's actually out of the country at the moment, but i'll be sure to tell him you remembered him!" johnny replies. interesting, yuta thought. he always knew the other members kept in touch with mark, especially johnny. should he ask johnny how mark was doing? should he ask if mark still stands by his decision? should he ask if mark is seeing someone? why does the thought of mark seeing someone bother him so much? 

no, he thinks to himself. there's no way he's in love with mark.

the rest of the afternoon passes by in a blur, and before he knows it he's walking with johnny to his dorm. "you didn't have to walk me back johnny, i'm a grown man" says yuta. "don't be silly, you know exactly why i'm walking with you," responds johnny. "ah. sorry for ending the call so suddenly. it's just that-" yuta tries to say before johnny cuts him off. "it's okay, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, although i feel like it'd be better if you do."

yuta contemplates for a minute. he then sighs, and gives in. "how's mark doing?" johnny hesitates before answering. "he's doing well. jinhyung got married this week. the family is really overjoyed, and it was a grand celebration. they sent a lot of pictures." yuta isn't sure he heard correctly. "wait hold on, did you just say jinhyung got married? what the hell?" yuta exclaims. johnny sighs, clearly having failed at his feeble attempt to brush the topic off.

"i figured it'd be easier on you if I didn't tell you about it." he pulls out his phone and browses the gallery for the wedding photos and passes the phone to yuta, who looks absolutely livid. his face is red and he is smoldering with rage. yuta roughly yanks the phone out of johnny's hand, and takes in a deep breath before looking at it. the screen shows a handsome man in tuxedo with a gorgeous bride beaming at him. her wedding gown is covered with embroidered white roses and her veil sits delicately upon her pretty face. but yuta doesn't particularly care about the couple. 

he furiously swipes through the pictures, clearly looking for someone in particular. wedding cake, the bride, the bride, the couple, the rings, the parents, the groom, the bride again- his finger freezes.

yuta suddenly feels like the world is closing in on him, like the ground beneath his feet is slipping. fury replaced with something else he can't clearly pinpoint, but then recognises as hurt. the poorly stitched wounds of his heart slowly unravel again, and the vaccum inside his chest seems to consume him. standing next to the couple, in a pale azure suit, was mark. and by his side, with an arm wrapped around his shoulder, was park jiwoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, this is my first ever fic! Feel free to leave comments, Kudos are appreciated. Thank you for reading, please look forward to the next chapters ❤️


End file.
